CareerThe Forgiveness Step: Forgiving others/situations/circumstances - Rebecca Le Vine

April 5, 2019by Rebecca Le Vine0

To forgive others/situations/circumstances, we are going to use the same template we use for self-forgiveness. However, in the “circumstance to forgive” section, we will enter an external person or situation or circumstance that has caused us pain. The same instructions I gave you for the self-forgiveness stage apply here.

Your summary statement regarding the others/situations/circumstances you wish to forgive goes here.

Circumstance to forgiveMy employer has underpaid me/not rewarded me throughout my employment.

Next, complete your forgiveness statement here:

Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for making me feel as if I had no power in receiving the reward I desire.

Lastly, your gratitude statement goes here.

Gratitude StatementI am so thankful for this experience. This experience, this lack of reward, has helped me to know my own value. Your actions have helped me to see how much I am worth. This situation, this pain, has made me do the work that I needed to do in order for me to claim my worth. And I claim my worth today. In honor of my worth, I forgive you. I am so grateful that I have had this lesson. Now I will ensure I always receive the appropriate reward. So it is in this place of gratefulness that I forgive you.

As before, I have created sample templates to help you get started.

Sample Forgiveness Template

Circumstance to forgiveMy employer has underpaid me/not rewarded me throughout my employment.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for undervaluing me. I know your act of not seeing my value is not personal. [1]
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for making me doubt my worth.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for making me feel as if I had no power in receiving the reward I desire.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for the feelings of oppression I have endured throughout these years.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for your inability to compensate me for my gifts and talents.
Gratitude StatementI am so thankful for this experience. This experience, this lack of reward, has helped me to know my own value. Your actions have helped me to see how much I am worth. This situation, this pain, has made me do the work that I needed to do in order for me to claim my worth. And I claim my worth today. In honor of my worth, I forgive you. I am so grateful that I have had this lesson. Now I will ensure I always receive the appropriate reward. So it is in this place of gratefulness that I forgive you.

Sample Forgiveness Template

Circumstance to forgiveI was laid off/downsized.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for making me doubt my value/my contributions to the workplace.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for putting me in a place of financial worry and forcing me into an uncertain job market.

 

Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for the actions you took that were unfair to me.

 

Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for making me feel unappreciated and not wanted.
Forgiveness StatementThis layoff really hurt me. It made me doubt myself, my skills and my employability. I forgive you for triggering these feelings in me.
Gratitude StatementI am so grateful for this experience. Even though it has been painful, I have learned valuable lessons. I now know my contributions have value. I understand that I am worthy and am employable. I know that I can find new employment that is better than where I have been. I am ready to leave this pain and doubt behind me. I am ready to move forward into the new. It is with gratitude and understanding that I forgive you.

Sample Forgiveness Template

Circumstance to forgiveMy employer is not concerned about my professional growth.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for not providing me with opportunities to be fulfilled.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for not seeing how hard I have worked and for not promoting me accordingly.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for the constraints you have placed on my ability to grow and therefore find fulfillment in my work.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for the stagnation and “stuck-ness” I feel.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for making me feel invisible and unappreciated.
Gratitude StatementI am so grateful for this experience. Through this experience, I have come to realize I deserve work that fulfills me. I now know that my talents and gifts deserve appreciation. I am willing to have this in my life now. I know that I can find an employer who will appreciate all that I have to offer and promote me accordingly. In this state of gratitude, I forgive you.

Sample Forgiveness Template

Circumstance to forgiveMy coworkers are negative, not engaged and create a work environment that does not support my needs.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for your constant negativity. I forgive you for your inability to view the workplace in a positive light.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for creating an environment that is always focusing on the “bad” things that happen at work.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for gossiping about other coworkers and probably me as well.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for not being supportive of our team.
Forgiveness StatementI forgive you for making me focus on the negative rather than the positive. I forgive you for always bringing me down.
Gratitude StatementI am grateful that I have had this experience with you. It has shown me the impact that the negativity of others can have on my life. I am grateful that I have realized that your limitations should not be my limitations. I now see how your negativity has colored my reality. I now choose to see the workplace through a lens of positivity. I choose to surround myself with like-minded people. I choose to see the good at work and in other people. In this attitude of gratitude, I forgive you.

Acceptance

Now we are ready to do the Acceptance step of the Work Relationship Healing Process. We have used Forgiveness to make the pain stop hurting. In this step, we will use Acceptance to move beyond any situation/circumstance/person that has damaged our relationship with work in order to release ourselves from the prison of the past and accept our current circumstances as is.

Unresolved pain, unresolved experiences can result in keeping us stuck in a particular moment. This ‘stuckness’ makes it really hard to move past them. This is very similar to what we discussed earlier, which was the fact that we had to be able to identify something in order to change it. In order to move beyond something we have to develop a level of peace with it. Acceptance is the way in which we develop a level of peace with what has happened to us. It is also the manner in which we change the way we see ourselves relative to our experiences.

Without acceptance, we become bound to our history. It becomes the lens through which we see our lives. It colors our present and dulls our future. For example, if you have experienced several layoffs, you might begin to think “well this is just how my life goes. I always get laid off.” Acceptance allows us to change this lens. It allows us to move beyond what has gone before and create the present state we want as well as that future state we dream of.

Additionally, this step allows us to be comfortable with a “present” that we might not be pleased about. I know it sounds like a tall order, and in truth, Acceptance can be a bear. But it’s necessary and fundamental in order to be free of the past that has hurt us or is hurting us. Acceptance is a foundational step to healing your relationship with work.

In this step of the process, you will be asked to accept “What Is.” “What Is” is your current situation today. For example, your current situation today might be the condition of your relationship with work or an unhappy work situation or the nasty coworker or the jealous manager.

Again, you cannot change what you have not accepted. You cannot create lasting change with that which you are not at peace with. This explains why so many people fail when it comes to creating lasting change. They skip this step.

Note : this shift from “I” to “You.” Again, in this part of the Forgiveness step, we are looking outward.

Rebecca Le Vine

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