Instructions for the Acceptance template
- In Step 1, you will summarize the situation/circumstance/person that you wish to accept.
|Circumstance to accept
||No matter how hard I work, in my performance reviews, my manager keeps bringing up things that happened years ago.
- Step 2 is the “What Is” statement. This is a statement about the truth of the situation at this very moment. This statement should be unvarnished by resistance, justification or defense. Basically, you want to “get real”. Take this opportunity to be rigorously honest with yourself. Call out all the feelings about the situation/circumstance/person that you are still holding onto because these emotions comprise your resistance. We want to get it out on paper, have an opportunity to look at it, and accept it for what it is, rather than resist it. You can see some examples of this in the sample templates. There is no right way or wrong way to write your “What Is” statements. What you’re aiming for here is the hard, cold truth.
|What Is statement
||I cannot control what my employer does or does not do.
- Step 3 is the Acceptance statement. In these statements, you will declare what you are accepting. The goal here is to release the resistance to “What Is” and to accept it.
||At this moment, I willingly and consciously choose to accept What Is. I accept the fact that I cannot change the way my employer conducts performance reviews. I accept the fact that their performance management culture does not suit me. This culture means I cannot achieve the goals that are important to me. I accept the fact that my past mistakes will always come back to haunt me if I continue to work for this company. I accept the fact that I am fighting against something that I cannot change.
- Step 4 will be your gratitude statement. The gratitude statement serves an important function. It ensures that we complete the process by moving into a state of gratitude, thereby diminishing any resistance that might be lingering as we complete the step. By writing a gratitude statement, you are in essence “forced” to take a situation that has caused you pain and understand how it has helped you grow. All of our lessons, whether we deem them good or bad, help us. The gratitude statement directs us to find the positive lesson that has come from our pain and create a state of thankfulness for the experience.
||At this moment, I am grateful for this experience. Through this experience, I have learned what I can and cannot control. I have also been able to realize what is important to me. It is important to me to be judged on my present contribution versus my past. I have come to realize the type of culture that I need to work in order to succeed. I am so grateful and thankful for this awareness because it has helped me to realize that I am not stuck. I just need to find a better situation for myself.
- Optional: In this template, I have included an optional step to document solutions and ideas. Usually, when we have been in resistance for a long time when we have been stuck, it is very hard to see solutions to our situation. As you begin to release that resistance, new ideas and solutions for your situation may come to mind. The template provides a good opportunity to capture them as they come up.
|1. Start researching other companies that hire for my role.
2. Research their management style.
3. Network with friends and family to see what type of performance management style the companies they work for have.
- Once you have completed the template, set it aside. Let it sit for a day or two. This gives you time to process what you felt as you were writing your “What Is” statements and your gratitude statements. When you are ready, come back to the template, read through it and ensure that you are complete with it. After your review, if you feel that you need another “What Is” statement, go ahead and add it. If you feel you need to add more to your gratitude statements, add it. If you do add more to the Acceptance template, set it aside for another day or so and then come back to it and repeat the process.
- When you feel complete with the template, you want to do a little test to ensure that you have successfully accepted the situations you entered into the template. Think about the situation or experience you accepted. Do you still feel feelings around it? Are you feeling any anger, any resentment, any resistance? If you do, you will want to go through your template again, with a focus on truly accepting “What Is.” Go back to what you wrote in the “What Is” statements. Say them out loud with intention and conviction while feeling deep self-compassion, love, and kindness. You might need to repeat this step several times over the next few days until you truly find yourself in a state of acceptance with the situations/circumstances/persons that have been holding you, prisoner.